This weekend has been probably the best weekend I have had by far this year and in awhile. I don’t know the real reasons why I am happy at this very moment. I mean there was every reason for me to be happy, but maybe I’m just going over my head about it and I don’t want to think too much into it because it’ll all just backfire on me and just may disappoint me because I have set up myself for the best. After everything that I have been through, I want to just build up some walls. But after the weekend, it’s hard not to. I’m just happy.

So in that case, please don’t ruin it for me. I don’t know why my exes are making me feel guilty or trying to have me draw back to them that would cause me to stress and overthink. I don’t understand how they can just say that I have forgotten about you and moving on. Yeah, I am moving on because not only have you done anything to make it work, but also I am not waiting forever for you to do whatever the fuck you want while I’m waiting. And maybe I’ve realized that there are better people out there for me, which could happen. I haven’t forgotten about you because I do think about you wondering how you are. But right now, I have to move on from you for my own sake and happiness. Now, I am thinking about myself and my needs and my happiness. Since that is the case, leave me be and let me be happy and don’t ruin it for me because you are not happy due to your faults completely. Just let me be happy.

Men, you suck. And let me tell you why.

Why do I have these two guys wanting to fight for me, yet do jack shit to do so? Why bother? What is the point? The victory? I just don’t fucking get it.

I have one guy who I want him to fight me for. This may be absurd for me to want them to fight for me. But I feel that none of these guys actually want me like they say they do. So I just simply ask them to just fight for me. But anyways, I tell this guy to fight for me, and what does he do? Simply gave up when things go bad and move onto something new, leaving me in the dark with it. Give up, whatever. As disappointing as it is, I would rather know you gave up and moved on besides me waiting for something that was never gonna happen.

And then there’s one, who screwed everything up for me when it comes to relationships to simply come back into my life wanting me back after a year of heartache and realizing that I’m the one for him. Why? Why now? And thinking it will be that easy to get my heart again, it’s not possible. But hearing what he has to say and how he answers my questions isn’t what I’m looking for. Asked him how long he would be willing to wait for for me to be ready and says not forever. Ummmm what? You say I’m the one that got away and not willing to wait? No. That does not convince me that you don’t want me as much as you do. And what he asks of me just makes it look as if once you get it, you will leave, like you did before. Do you see why I fear of getting back if ever with this guy?

I hate men. It seems like it’ll make things easier. But whatever, not the point. Just need to bitch about these guys and how they completely suck so badly on getting what they “supposedly” want, or at least convince me that they want me. Urggghhhh.